Has been a while since I last published anything. I have done some great works meanwhile, but as I do it all for free people tend to think my work deserves as much respect as they have paid for it – none.

There was one guy who insisted I would take photos of him. ‘Aren’t You going to take photos of me?!’ And when I finally took the camera and took few shots of him, he asked whether I know that he ‘doesn’t like to be photographed’. One confusing boy. While bending and twisting him into suitable poses I reminded him that if some photos came out nice I would really like to publish them on my blog as that is my only incentive taking the photos. ‘yeah, sure!’ While doing initial touch up on the photos I already asked permission for some particular photos which were my favorites, ..’yeah, sure!’ And then, in some days after he had received all the photos from the photo shoot, uploaded some of them to his Orkut profile, after I had worked few days on photos and after I had blog entry all ready and only needed to click publish, he tells me that actually no, he does not approve me publishing his photos on my blog any more. OK, I understand that I sometimes take photos which people have good reason not to want to have around in internet. But as Orkut is ‘wide internet’ enough, I asked why were the photos suitable for his profile and not for my blog, I was given answer that he doesn’t want his photos up on a gay site. Thanks! Well, that is reason for one post gathering dust as a draft.

Another project I spent days on, was a composition of two photos. A portrait of a guy positioned ahead of line of heads of wooden figurines. I thought the composition was very nice and once the project was finished, I was very proud of my creation and could not wait to share it. I had initially designed it for the use of the model whose portrait I used. Margus and couple friends to whom I had shown the creation complimented me on the great job, ..but when the model saw the image, he was just repulsed by it and even forbid me to publish it on my blog. I think that was the worst criticism my creation has ever been given. Obviously, I was all out of inspiration for while. That is story of another draft waiting for a change of mind and hoping to be published some day.

Meanwhile some other photos have been asked to be removed from my blog. As of the reason – they have been on my blog long enough already.

People just don’t seem to understand that photography is my passion and the blog is so far the only output I have. I have been told that I can keep the photos on my computer, ..great, thanks, naturally I am enjoying my photos so much that I just browse through the tens of thousands of photos on these cold winter nights. I wonder, why other artists have their exhibitions while they could just enjoy their creation at home by themselves – I suppose money made on exhibition is considered good enough reason for the exhibitions. It would be unthinkable that they might just want to share their work with audience.

I think I have explained enough why for over a month my camera was up in a closet and I had no desire to take any photos. Why spend my time and passion on something that is either forbidden from publishing or repulsed while I have been really proud of the work.

..Last night, I finally took out my camera, set up the lamps I had bought a week ago, and took some shots of the model who despite occasional complaining over being fat and ugly and pale and non-photogenic still agrees with photo shoots once in a while – I myself.

Here’s the original shot which in few hours of this evening gave result shown at the beginning of the post. This is actually my typical outfit of the last 3 weeks. I have been sick and the orange hat has been warn through most of the days and nights.